Suspicious Sprouts

If you are not completely grossed out by my rat saga yet, let me give you another gory story. I am sure, this is just what you need on a Sunday morning while eating breakfast.

The other day, Samuel went out to get some Chinese food. While this normally would only lead to watching House of Cards, this particular Chinese food freaked Sam out. Most of the times, I ignore his complaints about food. He is probably the pickiest person I have ever met. If there is a funny spot on a tomato, he won’t eat it. If something even hints at the resemblance of mold, he throws away the entire package and spends the next hour checking every food item in the fridge for mold. So when he told me: “There’s something weird about those been sprouts.”, I ignored him. “I am sure your sprouts are fiiiiiine!” “No, they are not! Look at them! They are blue!!!”

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Blue sprouts? Instantly, I remembered a YouTube video we watched on strange food in China. One of the many stories of the video involved a woman who left the food out over night and found it glowing neon-blue in the dark. He had my full attention. We started inspecting the sprouts, and there was no doubt about it, they were blue! “Maybe it’s just a different type of sprouts they use here in Colombia?”, I volunteered. Obviously, this wasn’t a very convincing argument. Since neither of us wanted to eat the food any more, we did what anybody would do in that situation, we looked it up online. And were shocked. There was nothing, I mean ABSOLUTELY NOTHING on blue bean sprouts on the internet. No pictures, no blogs, no videos, absolutely nothing. We looked for it in three languages and still: no results. Seriously, when was the last time you googled something and turned up with zero results??? We panicked, grabbed the food and threw it out – a perfectly reasonable reaction in that situation. For all we knew, it could be poisonous or at the very least rotten stomach ache material. To sum it up in four words: worst Chinese dinner ever (even worse than the “vegetarian” tofu dipped in gravy I ate at a Chinese restaurant in Antwerp)!

We never found out if blue bean sprouts are normal or why and how sprouts can turn blue. So if any of you guys out there know ANYTHING at all about blue bean sprouts, please let me know!!!

Invasion of the Killer Rats Part IV–the Final Chapter?

It has been quiet in our house. Rat quiet. After the killing of the beast, there have been no more rat sightings. No more droppings, no more running into rats at night – nothing, nada, zip. After one week, we felt it was safe enough to tear down the walls. I mean, literally. We figured that the killer RATS had been (or were still) living under our bathroom drawers. A temptative peep through a whole showed something that looked like a bone. So it was time to dig deeper and finally uncover the whole truth. Leading our expedition was Esteban, our landlord, armed with a hammer and ready to tear down the entire bathroom if necessary. Right behind him (totally hiding) were: our cleaning lady, armed with a broomstick, Sam and myself, armed with our camera and ready to document everything (of course), and our French roommate, armed with encouraging comments.

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Cautiously, Esteban took his first swing at the furniture. It cracked. Everybody stepped back, just in case the killer RATS were about to make a run at us. Esteban started hitting harder and harder, until everything was smashed. I had really expected at least one or two dead rats, but instead there was only an awful smell, a piece of meat and 4 bones – very reminiscent of a BBQ we had at the house a few weeks ago.

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And then, amid the bones and the smashed wood, we finally understood. There were no killer RATS, there was no army of rats out to get us. It had been only one smart rat all along, living off the leftovers of a BBQ, probably having the time of her life … until we killed her, that is. Sometimes, figuring out the truth can be life changing or inspiring, in this case our catharsis took the form of loud, relieved laughter. We had finally defeated the beast!

Until one night, we heard the French roommate scream and scream and scream. “The RATS are back!”, we thought and ran downstairs, ready to kill anything rat-like that came in our way. “What’s wrong?” He seemed fairly relaxed, a little bit too relaxed actually as he was sitting on the couch: “Guys, you HAVE to see this episode of House of Cards. It will blow you away!!!”

The End

Invasion of the Killer Rats – Part III

We killed the BEAST.

Or at least one of them. Just as I had assumed last time, the BEASTS (a.k.a the killer RATS) did not disappear. They were just waiting for the right moment to strike again. And they did. But they definitely picked the wrong moment and the wrong person to mess with, and they inevitably had to die. As it was all very dramatic and happened so quickly, let’s recap the event, hour by hour, scream by scream.

Sunday, 12 PM

  • It has been several days since the last sightings of the killer RATS and we are expecting guests. So for the sake of being a good host, and mostly because I am really embarrassed of how awful our bathroom smells, I set out to buy cleaning utensils.
  • One hour of painful bleach scrubbing later, the killer RAT smell in the bathroom seems to dissipate. Victory!

Sunday, 6 PM

  • The guests arrive, the mood is merry and the RATS are nowhere to be seen.

Monday early morning, 1.30 AM

  • I am about to head to bed. I walk into the bathroom to brush my teeth when I am taken aback by a very familiar SMELL. “Oh noooo! They’re back. Just after I cleaned everything.” I turn on the light.
  • And I see IT: black, giant and staring at me with glowing red eyes. It is the KILLER RAT.

1.31 AM

  • I scream and scream and scream (I never knew I had that type of scream in me, so if there are any horror movie directors out there reading this, hit me up!), and run out of the bathroom.
  • Sam, our French roommate and a friend that is still at the house come running downstairs. Unable to move, I point towards the bathroom. All I can say is: RAT.

1.34 AM

  • The boys take a good look at the RAT that for some reason seems to be in total shock. It just sits there, in our shower, glaring at us (well, at them, as I am still staying at a safe distance).
  • While Sam runs upstairs to get a camera, the French roommate and our friend debate what to do. “Kill it!!!!!”, I scream. “Not yet! Wait until I get the camera,” shouts Sam. Seriously, in a life or death situation he is really thinking about the best shot?!

1.35 AM

  • The decision has been made. Our friend runs to grab a broom stick and all I can see from my secure spot is a shocked French roommate. The only sound in the house now is he stick hitting the tiles of the bathroom floor.
  • “Wait, wait, get out of the way. Let me get a picture first!” This is Sam, still worried about capturing this moment for eternity.
  • By now it feels safe enough to look into the bathroom myself. And there it is. Still black and giant, but with its eyes closed now. In a puddle of blood. It is not quite dead yet, still struggling in agony. One final blow and it is destroyed.

1.40 AM

  • We killed the BEAST – and we even have pictures of it!

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Several days later:

  • The BEAST is dead, but are there more?
  • When will they attack again?
  • When will I be able to go into the bathroom, without sending Sam first to make sure there is no more evil RAT waiting for me?
  • When will this all finally be over???

To be continued…