Invasion of the Killer Rats – Part III

We killed the BEAST.

Or at least one of them. Just as I had assumed last time, the BEASTS (a.k.a the killer RATS) did not disappear. They were just waiting for the right moment to strike again. And they did. But they definitely picked the wrong moment and the wrong person to mess with, and they inevitably had to die. As it was all very dramatic and happened so quickly, let’s recap the event, hour by hour, scream by scream.

Sunday, 12 PM

  • It has been several days since the last sightings of the killer RATS and we are expecting guests. So for the sake of being a good host, and mostly because I am really embarrassed of how awful our bathroom smells, I set out to buy cleaning utensils.
  • One hour of painful bleach scrubbing later, the killer RAT smell in the bathroom seems to dissipate. Victory!

Sunday, 6 PM

  • The guests arrive, the mood is merry and the RATS are nowhere to be seen.

Monday early morning, 1.30 AM

  • I am about to head to bed. I walk into the bathroom to brush my teeth when I am taken aback by a very familiar SMELL. “Oh noooo! They’re back. Just after I cleaned everything.” I turn on the light.
  • And I see IT: black, giant and staring at me with glowing red eyes. It is the KILLER RAT.

1.31 AM

  • I scream and scream and scream (I never knew I had that type of scream in me, so if there are any horror movie directors out there reading this, hit me up!), and run out of the bathroom.
  • Sam, our French roommate and a friend that is still at the house come running downstairs. Unable to move, I point towards the bathroom. All I can say is: RAT.

1.34 AM

  • The boys take a good look at the RAT that for some reason seems to be in total shock. It just sits there, in our shower, glaring at us (well, at them, as I am still staying at a safe distance).
  • While Sam runs upstairs to get a camera, the French roommate and our friend debate what to do. “Kill it!!!!!”, I scream. “Not yet! Wait until I get the camera,” shouts Sam. Seriously, in a life or death situation he is really thinking about the best shot?!

1.35 AM

  • The decision has been made. Our friend runs to grab a broom stick and all I can see from my secure spot is a shocked French roommate. The only sound in the house now is he stick hitting the tiles of the bathroom floor.
  • “Wait, wait, get out of the way. Let me get a picture first!” This is Sam, still worried about capturing this moment for eternity.
  • By now it feels safe enough to look into the bathroom myself. And there it is. Still black and giant, but with its eyes closed now. In a puddle of blood. It is not quite dead yet, still struggling in agony. One final blow and it is destroyed.

1.40 AM

  • We killed the BEAST – and we even have pictures of it!

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Several days later:

  • The BEAST is dead, but are there more?
  • When will they attack again?
  • When will I be able to go into the bathroom, without sending Sam first to make sure there is no more evil RAT waiting for me?
  • When will this all finally be over???

To be continued… 

Invasion of the Killer Rats – Part II

Since the RATS decided to invade our home, our house has become a rat war zone. Plans were made to buy the most vicious rat traps the world has seen. We have taken over the RATS’ favorite spots and re-claimed our territory. I have read so many “how to trap a rat” tutorials and rat blogs that I started having dreams about killing RATS every night. (As much as I appreciate their advice, rat blogs??? Really???). We have put together a deadly strategy, and at the slightest suspicious sound or movement we are all prepared to kill. However, the RATS have disappeared. All they left behind is the indescribably horrific smell of their … well … their urine … that no incense, no matter how strong, is able to disguise. I am not sure if they are hiding out, re-considering their attack or just moved on to the neighbor’s house. But I am not quite ready to believe that they have retreated. RATS don’t just give up like that. They are slick, vicious creatures that will bide their time (or literally bite something with their killer rodent teeth). And just when you’re lulled into a false sense of security, they strike again. So just in case they are still hiding out there, we invited a friend … and his cat!

Invasion of the Killer RATS

There are two things about me that you as readers of this blog know about me: 1. I love to travel and 2. I hate nature, especially if it comes in the form of improvised camping or wildlife in my backyard. So it’s not really hard to imagine how MUCH I freaked out when I discovered that RATS have been invading our lovely house here in Medellín. Out of all living creatures on this planet, these vicious and malicious rodents are my least favorite. In other, less dramatic, words: I am SCARED of them. And now they decided to come for me. I am convinced it is all part of a world wide rat conspiracy against me. It all started about a week ago, when the first RAT made its move while I was watching the sunset. Can you be more cruel? My quiet, peaceful moment turned into a horror scene as I noticed that a RAT was sneaking up on me. I am absolutely sure, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that IT had been waiting for this precise moment to attack me. Knowing when I would be most vulnerable. Obviously, I screamed, I ran, and told everybody about it. My (male) roommates basically just laughed at me and said it was no big deal. Great. It still wasn’t a big deal to them when I found some incriminating turds in our pots (!!!!). (Okay, except to our French roommate, but he is scared of roaches and the friendly lizards that show up on the walls when it rains, so nobody takes him too seriously when it comes to house animal matters.) Now THEY knew nobody would stop THEM. They had found the perfect opportunity to torture me and immediately called back-up. Not long after that, we started finding turds in the kitchen and bathroom drawers. At which point, I refused to enter the bathroom unless somebody checked ALL the drawers first to make sure there was no evil RAT waiting inside to scare me. I even started having nightmares about RATS coming into my room at night to attack me. Finally, even the men of the house were convinced that we had to kill the beasts (as some of them put it). We called an exterminator who sprayed some natural stuff around the corners and laid out a few blue cubes of rat poison. Needless to say that I was more than skeptical. Natural? What good is ANYTHING natural going to do against these fearless beasts? It follows that the next day the rats hadn’t eaten any of the poisonous cubes, but happily continued to use our drawers as their personal bathroom. So we decided that it was time for some real action. Yesterday, we laid out sticky pads in all their favorite spots, convinced this time there would be no escape for them. We were sure that this morning we would find millions of RATS glued to them. Imagine my disappointment when I checked this morning for RATS (okay, technically Sam checked for me as the thought of a sticky RAT in close proximity is just too overwhelming for me), and there were exactly: 0. They had definitely been inside the drawers, as all sticky pads were moved, but they must have recognized them for what they were (death traps) and gotten the hell out of there.On the bright side, the RAT colony seems to have moved their bathroom somewhere else. On the scary side: I don’t know where they moved. Now, each time I want to open a drawer in the house, I breathe in, close my eyes, open the drawer and run away as fast as I can to check from a safe distance if evil is waiting for me in there. I am desperate! At this point, I am even willing to perform any type of ritual, as long as it’ll make them leave. Somebody out there (anybody, really): HELP!