Yesterday, Sam and I went to the Oktoberfest in Cincinnati.
If you have never been to Cincy around this time of year, you should know that the city transforms into a German town called Zinzinnati. Given the mass of “seasonal” products centered around this event (Oktoberfest beers, Oktoberfest sausages, German nachos – whatever that might be – Bavarian flags etc. etc.), and the 5-10 small pre and post Oktoberfests around the real Oktoberfest, I think it is appropriate to call it a municipal holiday. Accordingly, Zinzinnati prides itself in throwing the largest Oktoberfest party outside of Munich, including the world’s largest chicken dance. So there we were, in the midst of the fest crowd, waiting for the chicken dance to start. Yes, I am aware of how ridiculous that sounds, but hey, you can’t deny your heritage, and I have absolutely no shame when it comes to funny dance moves in public.
A crowd started gathering around the big stage. People wearing ridiculous chicken hats popped up from everywhere. Then two radio hosts announced this year’s chicken dance leader: a formerly famous quarterback from the Cincinnati Reds whose name I forgot. Apparently, being famous in Zinzinnati somehow includes leading a chicken dance and throwing plastic footballs into the audience. But I am digressing. Mr. Quarterback gets busy, the chicken dance starts, and everybody is having a great time looking completely ludicrous.
After one minute the music stops. The chicken dance is over. Say what?? THIS is what you call the world’s largest chicken dance?! A fraction of a dance of about 60 seconds? You don’t even have time to realize how funny this is in 60 seconds! I have no way of knowing if this is really the world’s largest chicken dance, but it barely qualifies as a dance. I felt disappointed, mad, and completely betrayed!
So take this, Zinzinnati Oktoberfest!
FUN FACT NUMBER 1: You are NOT (by far) the largest Oktoberfest outside of Germany. There are larger ones in China (I know!), Brazil, and even Canada (yes, Canada!).
FUN FACT NUMBER 2: THIS is what a real chicken dance looks like!
FUN FACT NUMBER 3: 6 dollars for a single glass of beer is just not an acceptable price, so just so you know: we “smuggled” in our own!
And finally, FUN FACT NUMBER 4: these guys completely stole your show!